RANDOM THOUGHTS

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.

3. On the other hand . . . you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember: half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

12. I intend to live forever - so far so good.

13. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

14. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

15. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

PREACHERS' DYING WISH

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, mustering enough courage the banker asked, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."